Monday, April 03, 2006

BFE offered, new low price!

So on the weekend, a bunch of us were making jokes about the personal ad's in the free paper when we were seeing recurring letters we didn't know.. "GFE", we kept on guessing what it may stand for(good, effing something), I actually did guess it was "GirlFriend Experience" and said it probably meant two girls for one guy.. (you know, the girlfriend thing).. After that I made a joke about how its a TRUE girlfriend experience.. like this girl will call you and fight with you, complain about how you don't call and get upset with you without telling you why. We had a little laugh about that but when we actually looked it up, I was right, its this thing where this girl will pretend to be your girlfriend, be emotional, etc, etc.

So I think its high time for equal rights, that's right, for a limited time, I will be offering the "BFE" (Boyfriend Experience)

**A friend just made a good point, I should mention to all you would be clients, there a chance you could.. "change me", we know women always hope they can change a man. **

Aside from the obvious, my services include:

1. I will pay for the first date (first date < (less than) fine dining )
2. I haven't even met them and I already can't stand your friends.
3. Watch TV and complain that you are suffocating me if you sit next to me.
4. Leave my dirty jeans on the floor of your apartment, leave my dirty dishes on the kitchen counter and drink milk from the carton.
5. Check out other girls while we go on a walk.
6. I will tell you I'm afraid of commitment and am happy just being a boyfriend.
7. I will complain you call me too much and mess up my gaming/tv watching/D&D meetings.
8. Every three weeks I will tell you I need space and avoid you for about a week, after which I will return and act like nothing happened.
9. Tell you every now and then that I think its good your putting on a little weight, regardless of your actual weight gains or losses.
10. Pointing out any stubble on your legs.
11. Make "pained" faces whenever you say "future", "marriage", "kids", "long term", "happy" or "my parents".
**12. Possibility to "Change" (not like a robot into a car, more like a guy who takes out the trash instead of peeing in the sink)

Additional Post-Experience options for a small additional cost include:

1. hanging outside your house in the dark.
2. Vandalize your car.
3. break into your mailbox.
4. Try to date your friend(s).

So think it over, I accept Paypal, if you are interested in a "Long Distance" relationship I can do some of these things over a chat window, call you collect, all that goodness. Quality is the number one objective of my service. If you've never been terrified of an ex outside your house at 2am, then you've never been in love.

Guest chat with robotanist babelfishing with a stranger, then a friend translating.. good times.

Robotanist : hi, who are you and why did you add me to your list?
Amarillo : it must be because you gave me your addres because I am not a magician!!
Robotanist : wha?? you blame me??
Amarillo : fuck off!!
Robotanist : nice.
Robotanist : you added me to your list. I simply ask why.
Amarillo : bye bye
Robotanist : you must be american. I understand.
Amarillo : mira piche pocho...deja de hacerte el payaso y de andar preguntando pendejadas,,,diste tu correo ahora no te hagas el mamon!!
Robotanist : ¿Di mi correo? usted no tiene ninguna idea que I am. usted hizo un error con todo usted no puede ser hombre bastantes para admitirlo.
Amarillo : ahh pero que capacidad de decir siquiera paraceces en mi lista de correos...deja te agrego pa bloquearte
Robotanist : keep on truckin, man.

Robotanist: what's mamon?
rodogu says: sucker
rodogu says: pinche = f***ing
rodogu says: pocho = somebody speaking spangish
rodogu says: that's Mexican slang
rodogu says: you really pissed him off...
rodogu says: I guess you were using a tool to translate uh?
rodogu says: yeah, he's blocking you
Robotanist says: babelfish. did what I say make sense? was it a little insulting to him?
rodogu says: lots of grammar erors, but you can guess what you tried to say... thing is the guy didn't know you didn't speak Spanish to he thought you were just pissing him off...
rodogu says: plus you never challenge the manhood of a Mexican ;-)
Robotanist says: I do.
rodogu says: we're macho, remember ?
Robotanist says: when I'm thousands of miles away :)
rodogu says: :-D

Band: The Flaming Lips
Album: Yoshimi battles the pink robots
Track: Fight Test

I thought I was smart, I thought I was right
I thought it better not to fight
I thought there was a virtue in always being cool
So it came time to fight, I thought I’ll just step aside
And that the time would prove you wrong
And that you would be the fool

I don’t know where the sunbeams end and the starlights begin
It’s all a mystery

Oh, to fight is to defend
If it’s not now then tell me when would be the time
That you would stand up and be a man
For to lose I could accept
But to surrender I just wept
And regretted this moment, oh that I, I was the fool

I don’t know where the sunbeams end and the starlights begin
It’s all a mystery
And I don’t know how a man decides what’s right for his own life
It’s all a mystery

‘Cause I’m a man, not a boy
And there are things you can’t avoid
You have to face them when you’re not prepared to face them
If I could, I would, but you’re with him
I’d do no good
I should have fought him but instead I let him, I let him take you

I don’t know where the sunbeams end and the starlights begin
It’s all a mystery
And I don’t know how a man decides what’s right for his own life
It’s all a mystery


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